Title: Dimmer
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Voldemort and victim
Warnings: The poems a little dark
Notes: none
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.

I hope you guys like it. It is the first poem I have ever posted to let people see it so here it goes.

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Dimmer

His heart is hollow
Without mercy he kills
He will find you and take you in his shadow

The nightmares you will have
Sweating and shaking, eyes rolling in you head
His greeting is "I am death"
Pale you will turn
Nothing you will see
Screaming of those who died before him

You underestimated his power
You didn't know that he would bring your life to an end
Breath by breath you wait
With life dangling blindly in front of you like bait

And then, there it is
The light goes dimmer
Dimmer, dimmer and after the light can't go any dimmer and you can't go back
Everything suddenly goes

Siriusly Black

Oooh, this poem sends a shiver down my back! Hewitt, you really have a way with words and capture the setting and mood well.

Quote::

Breath by breath you wait

I like this line; it shows death drawing nearer with each precious breath!

Quote::

And then, there it is The light goes dimmer Dimmer, dimmer and after the light can't go any dimmer and you can't go back Everything suddenly goes Siriusly Black

This stanza is my favorite part of the poem. The repetition of dimmer creates excellent imagery of the "life light" slowly going out until death overtakes the body. Also, writing "Siriusly Black" at the end was indeed clever!

Great job! I look forward to reading more of your poems as you write them.

ETA: Now it's perfect-no grammar errors!

Thanks I'm glad you liked it! Hehe you put the smiles on my face! Anyways I'm working on another one but I don't know when it will be done. Ok I'll talk later. My brother is being a butt and is kicking me off the computer (supposedly he has homework to do on it) (myspace of course). *Sigh* Ok see ya later.

Hewitt--

I am so glad you posted this. I can imagine many of Voldemort's victims fitting into this scenario, especially early on. The opening stanza set the dark tone very well. I actually had a chill when I read the third line.

I hope you'll post more soon.

Title: Always Loved
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Arthur to Molly
Warnings:
Notes: none
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.

Sorry it takes me a while to write more poems, but I'm a slow worker and have been busy a lot. Its a sonnet so hope you like it!

Always Loved


Only till death do we part
I will love you evermore
And even when we turn to old farts
I will take you as you are

I will treasure you
As if everyday would be your last
And if anyone is as beautiful as you I don't know who
But you look the same to me as you did in the past

But when I have to say my last goodbye
My porcelain heart will break
Tears will fall like rain from the sky
But my love for you will never fade

And now let me say without further ado
My warm heart, will always love you

Title: Harry's End
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Harry
Warnings:
Notes: none
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.



Ok you know that at the end of moivies the main character dies, like Troy for instance. Well I doubt Harry will die but... Anyways this is the way it will end if he does (In my mind).

Oh I was so proud of myself! I wrote this in like 10 min. It's the fastest one that I've done. YAY!!!!!!


Harry's end


A peace will flow on his face
Graceful singing will echo like the flutters of fine lace

All weariness is taken away
And his heart rests where his mom and dad lay

It will be like floating on a cloud
For joy that he is finally free and proud

And no matter how sad the others may be
They will be happy because he has finally found peace

No tear will fall from that face again
And no mark of battles will he ever have to mend

When the last time will come to close his eyes
He will know nothing else again of life

Victorious he will be for the battle he won
And he will smile then, even though his time is done

Yay! I'm glad you have continued to write more poems.

Wow, it's incredible that you wrote "Harry's End" in ten minutes. Sometimes I suddenly get an idea for a poem in my head during the most unusual times, like when washing dishes or erm...taking a shower, and the words and rhythm to the poem just comes easily. Needless to say I always keep paper and pencil ready. Other times I brutally edit and rewrite poems over and over again.

Back to "Harry's End." First, I really like the idea behind the poem-not Harry dieing, mind you, but him finding peace after the final battle.

I like this because it conveys the great weight on Harry’s shoulders in life:

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No tear will fall from that face again And no mark of battles will he ever have to mend

I like this because as previously mentioned, it beautifully shows Harry finding happiness:

Quote::

Victorious he will be for the battle he won And he will smile then, even though his time is done

I also like the imagery of him smiling! Great job!

Thanks! But writing poems for me is sometimes frustrating because I have a good part to it and then for the rest I just go blank. I'm still working on two more poems but I'm at the frustrated part on them. Stuck again!

Anyways... One of the two poems is almost done but I need couple more things added to it. As for the other one...o_o I only have one set and I need like a lot more.

Alrighteeeeesssss Be back later with some more poetry soon I hope.

Talk to you later.

Hewitt, I know what you mean about writing poetry being frustrating at times. Heh, I actually have several poems unfinished yet! Sometimes I get sudden inspiration and write parts of them but then can't finish them. I've also completed a few of them, but I'm just not fully satisfied with them.

My humble advice is this: When you're stuck on a poem, just leave it. You can always start on another poem if you like, or simply come back to finish your poem whenever you get inspiration. You never know-sometimes a poet/writer/artist gets inspiration when least expected. It's kind of like how you search endlessly for a lost item, and then when you're not looking for it it shows up!

Again, great job on your poems. Take all the time you need until you're happy with your unfinished poems!

Title: Azkaban Visitor
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Azkaban prisoners and visitors
Warnings: none
Notes: none
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.


Azkaban Visitor


In Azkaban where everything is wild
You can see different people, all the way up to a demented child
Where screaming pierces your ears
And everyone’s eyes are full of tears
And the prettiest, their looks gone to waste
And each person has a story written on his or her face
But when your eyes are glued to a prisoner, just one
A tingling feeling that comes across your whole body will make you want to run
And the grave look the prisoner gives you back
Gives you the feeling that he wants to attack
But from a sucked out soul
Move? He cannot for his body is not whole
Pity you feel for some
Until you see what viciousness they are made of
It may seem to horror to be true
But be careful about what you think “seems” because the next person might be you.


Ooogabooogah. hehe lol.

Ooh, I’m always interested in reading poems/fanfic describing Azkaban. "Azkaban Visitor" describes the prisoners quite well- with the imagery you provided I could easily imagine myself walking down the halls in Azkaban.

This imagery made me shiver:

Quote::

But when your eyes are glued to a prisoner, just one A tingling feeling that comes across your whole body will make you want to run And the grave look the prisoner gives you back Gives you the feeling that he wants to attack

It reminded me of all those scary movies that keep me up at night, heh.

Yet I also liked the poem because it conveys somewhat of a mixed reaction towards the prisoners. You can feel pity for some because of the horrible conditions at Azkaban, yet at the same time many of the prisoners indeed have probably committed horrible crimes.

I am so glad I finally started writing again. Thanks Wand your advise helped me out a lot! Yay! I have been working on this one forever and I cut out a lot to make it good and I have finally finished! Ok ok I'll let you read it.


Title: The Time Turner
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: PG
Pairings or Characters: Hermione and Harry
Warnings: none
Notes: none
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.


The Time Turner


They are hard to come by
If seen you could get in trouble
Don't meddle with time
Or the price will be double

You can fix mistakes when you’re on the run
Or take extra classes like I have done
But doing this Harry is very very serious
We are saving lives like Buckbeak and Sirius

And, mind you, we are breaking a law
So if we get caught, don't expect people's faces to be in awe
Now be prepared for our journey has begun
And if anything goes wrong get ready to run

Here we go Harry, everything will be ok
And in just a wrinkle in time, everything might turn our way
Let’s go lets go
It’s time to run to and fro

Ok this is all I have for now but I'll be working on more. I've never really wrote about this kind of stuff so I think this peom is kinda interesting.
Hope you like.


Title: Drunken Headmaster
Penname: Hewitt
Rating: G
Pairings or Characters: Dumbledore
Warnings: none
Notes: I know the names aren’t mentioned in the book but I have to find two names that would rhyme.
Constructive Criticism?: Yes
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world do not belong to me. No money is being made. No harm is intended.

Drunken Headmaster

A great day it was so he had some tea
But tea it was not! And drunk he came to be
He snogged Kim
And then he snogged Jim
And when he woke up he screamed "OH ME!"

"Dimmer" it really does show how I think the victims would feel. You put across there emotions well.

"Always Loved" seemed like Arthur he's funny at first but then he gets serious and tells how he feels. I liked that about it.

"Harry's End" although I'm in denial about this happening as Harry can not die I suppose it makes sense that he would but he can't. Anyway to your poem I really like how most of the lines flow really nicely with the rhyme scheme.

"Azkaban Visitor" really good imagery in this one you feel like you are the visitor when you're reading this.

"The Time Turner" Really seems like Hermione with her warnings about getting in trouble.

"Drunken Headmaster" it's a funny one

I really like your poetry; you're a very talented writer. So you better not stop

P.S. I really like your avatar

Thanks apathy! Ya, in Harry's end, I don't like him dieing either so I agree with all who said that to. I'm glad you liked my poems and avatar hehe. But you don't have to worry because I am making more poetry to. I love writing it especially when I have a topic I love to write about like Harry Potter. But in my englsih class we were doing poetry for a while and I didn't write as good poems as I write here. I think it was that I didn't really have a good topic in my mind to write about and at my school anything Harry Potter is illegal! *sigh* lol.

When I was really little and I went to my grandma's house, I wrote poetry. I remember one of the ones I did, it went something like this,

Oh Berry Blue
What will I do without you
Should I tie my shoe...

I don't remember the rest but it made no sense at all! It made me laugh so bad when I read it again. lol

Ok loves and hugs!